Hey, Tickophiles- Cog Number 9038 here from the Mystic Order of Arachnid Vigilance! Season two of the Tick is available starting tomorrow and I don’t know about the rest of you, but my toes are tingly with anticipation. Will the Terror wreak havoc all through the world? Will Superion fall prey to a nefarious plot? What is the deal with the Very Large Man? In honor of waiting for these very relevant mysteries to solve themselves, I killed some time by making a list of all my favorite characters from comics, tv and internet. For your consideration I present the Best of The Tick!
The Chainsaw Vigilante
The Chainsaw Vigilante is a literal antihero whose nemesis is the concept of hero worship itself! A champion of the little guy, he never fails to speak truth to power- By ‘speak truth’ I of course mean ‘attack with a chainsaw’ and by power I mean ‘superpowered beings invulnerable to everything but the shame of being emasculated by a chainsaw”. He demonstrates the sheer necessity of righteousness to a cause by being far cooler than his villainous counterpart Lumber Jane. Plus infinity points for being the best of the best.
Unlike his comic based analogue Die Fledermaus, Bat Manuel has both brains and game and those haunting eyes that bear a suspicious resemblance to underrated character actor Nestor Carbonell. The one thing that he does have in common with Die Fledermaus is a rather weak will when it comes to the actual heroics of heroing. Honestly, he’s pretty obviously just in it for the chicks. Plus ten points for panache.
The Mad Bomber What Bombs at Midnight
His bombs may pack a mean punch, but the biggest weapon of the Mad Bomber What Bombs at Midnight is his enthusiasm. Anyone in his vicinity would willingly throw themselves on one of his bombs rather than hear his tale to the end, no matter how much he sounds like Dennis Hopper. Plus four points because his stories always end with a bang.
Paul the Samurai
Paul has been there since the very beginning, driven by a quest for vengeance and flying in a moderately priced coach setting. A slave to his deeply ingrained bushido code, his hands are covered in tiny cuts from all the times he has unthinkingly drawn his sword in anger without realizing it would need to taste blood before returning to its sheath. If the Tick were Japanese, three times as vulnerable and twice as focused, he would be Paul the Samurai. Plus fifteen points for his mad baking skills.
Man Eating Cow
Man Eating Cow is karma on the hoof and has never been the same since she tasted blood. One best be on their best behavior around this bad girl because when she chomps, she chomps for justice. That fear that Batman is always trying to inspire? Yeah, anyone that has ever looked Man Eating Cow in the eye has drunk deep from that fear well. Plus seven points for general intimidation.
The Red Eye
Endowed with powers that would make Nyarlahotep cringe, the Red Eye wanders the backroads of America and destroys anyone unlucky enough to cross his path. Neither hero nor villain, but rather an apocalyptic plot narrative, even the style in which he’s drawn is anough to give the shivers to anyone perceptive enough to notice he’s there (looking your way, Tick!). Plus infinity times two points because I’m afraid that if he doesn’t do all the winning on my technically non-competitive list, he will hunt me down and kill me.
Also known as the Tick of New York, Barry was a sophisticated and erudite millionaire hero until the Tick challenged him for the name and completely destroyed his sense of identity as well as propriety. Barrry has since wandered his halls broken and nudey nude waiting for the day he can reclaim his mantle. Plus 1 point for pity and an additional point for a cute, sad sidekick.
Overkill and Dangerboat
Overkill on his own would be well… overkill, but with the leavening powers of Dangerboat (who actually appears quite affable and not really that dangerous) he provides the perfect straight man. For anyone that’s ever loved a rebel that has no time for red tape, Overkill meets all those bad boy needs, and if you find yourself feeling guilty for cheering for someone whose methods are a little on the… extreme side… Dangerboat is there to voice all your reservations and allow you to keep sleeping at night. Plus 01 points for being such a cool binary.
The Captain Planet of the City, the Poison Ivy of the streets, El Seed looks out for our leafy friends that can’t look after themselves. His armies are unstoppable when well watered. He has drama, flair and bonhomie and looks great in that outfit. Plus ocho points for solidarity with La Raza
So if I must pick a winner, that winner would be… The Tick! Who else? Didn’t know he was competing? That’s ok! Neither did he! Now I know this is a pretty small sample, but the beauty of the Tick is that there are literally hundreds of other characters to choose from. I would love to hear from all of you out thereabout who your favorites are. Sound off below, if you feel so bold.