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Epilogue published on No Comments on Epilogue

It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel… sick?

For all of my fellow nihilists that have been keeping up with the news, scientists have just informed us that the carbon dioxide in the air has permanently passed that all important 400 PPM count that probably means irreparable climate damage.


But of course, they’re just scientists. What do they know? There’s a habitable planet just over by Alpha Proxima that we’ll colonize using science! Oh… wait… oxymoronic thing to say. I’ll leave that plan to Gary Johnson.

In the meantime, go ahead and burn all the styrofoam you like, find some vintage Aqua Net bottles and spray them with both hands. Throw away all the bottles you take one sip of water from into the nearest national park, because now it’s party time. Just like those folks in that Poe story where the Dioxide Death held sway over all…

Or maybe that’s hyperbolic. Maybe we can try and be responsible enough to try and make it so that the great grandkids have a fighting chance to see a tree. But given our track record, I’ll not hold my breath on that one (though I may have to soon enough along with everyone else). But hey! I don’t have any kids. You all do what you like.

Either way, it’s been an honor partying with you all.

Fatally yours,


Rethinking the Obvious (Or Uatu Barada Nikto!)

Rethinking the Obvious (Or Uatu Barada Nikto!) published on No Comments on Rethinking the Obvious (Or Uatu Barada Nikto!)

In the Marvel Universe there’s a character known as the Watcher. It’s his job to y’know… watch things. Think of him as a peeping Tom with the entire solar system as the bathroom (I know there are plenty of other ways in which you can envision reality as a toilet, but let’s not depress ourselves).

The Watcher is someone who is, above all else, supposed to watch and not get involved. See, he has this Prime Directive that he can’t interfere with developing cultures. Wait…. that’s Star Trek. I’m always confusing the Watcher with Jean-Luc Picard. But still… you get the gist.

Here’s the thing though, the Watcher is about as faithful to his guiding principle as a Star Fleet officer three days removed from his Kobayashi Maru (boy, these genre mash-ups are fun!), and that has a tendency to get him in a lot of trouble with his people. His problem, as I see it, was that he felt too clever by hiding in plain sight. The Watcher lives on the moon, which even mortal man can get to with rockets, to say nothing of reality bending smarty pants like Dr. Strange.

If the Watcher hid in the Sun instead, all his problems could have been averted. You look at people from the one place they literally can’t look at and you’re safe as long as men have retinas.


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